I was recently reflecting on my time, 11 years ago almost to the day, when I was admitted to the hospital to have my stem cell transplant. I was only in for about 12 days, but it felt like eternity. I felt like life was carrying on without me and I used to gaze out the window at all of those uncaring people leading “normal” lives in the street below. It was not rational, but nothing much was at the time.
I remember the bizarre feeling of days passing, yet feeling like time stood still. How could the rest of the world be moving forward without me? I was like an insect frozen in amber, able to see out, but not able to participate.
I was fortunate that my stay was only for 12 days. It’s hard to imagine what it must be like for patients who are in for much longer. You would have to create a new sense of day to day reality based on a life in the hospital, instead of yearning for home. If you’re feeling sick, I’m sure there would be a weight pressing down on you and some depression while being trapped in the hospital.
My time of incarceration did give me an awareness of all of the people who are trapped in hospital for a variety of reasons. Every week now when I arrive at the hospital, I look up at the windows and silently cheer on whoever might be up there feeling sick and trapped.
What’s your story about feeling trapped in the hospital?